Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Achievement

Many people, maybe even you, think that you are your achievements.

Drive a stake right through that vampire bat!

Repeat after me: You (but substitute "I") are (substitute "am") not your (substitute "my") achievements. It's a good thing, because your achievements are meaningless. You have a bowling average of 210. Tell it to the ball polisher. You have the highest batting average in your softball league. So what? Your kids play hardball. You got an A- on your 4th grade math test, finally proving you understood long division. My childhood crush Kristine didn't care. She only liked boys who were good at sports.

My point is, no one cares. No one cares about your ridiculous achievements.

You're sad because you never became a rock star? You're 45 and never picked up a guitar.

So you see, there's no point in achieving anything. Or striving to achieve anything. Unless there is money involved. In which case, the achievement has practical value. Or if you have achieved really great things, like Jonas Salk curing polio, or the JONAS Brothers, you are safe in identifying with your achievements.

So go for it! Achieve nothing!

Coming soon: Achieve more!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Stop Hitting Yourself!

I often feel as if the universe is hitting me repeatedly in the head, with every job loss, every breakup, and every fraud conviction. I am sure you feel the same way sometimes.

What I realized, however, is that the truth is much more surprising. The Universe is like a bully who repeatedly pummels me with my own hand and says, "Why are you hitting yourself? Stop hitting yourself."

However, when I turn to confront my tormentor, I see no one there. Just my own hand, beating myself bloody. And then I laugh.




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