Addicted to Love

In my "practice," I see quite a few people who are literally "addicted" to love. They cannot go without it for even one day. If their partner goes out of town on business or a fact-finding trip to Aruba, they immediately get sad and despondent. They want to talk to that person on the phone, or by email, or by carrier pigeon the entire time I'm away. They even want to tag along! They'll cry, "What facts are you finding in Aruba, anyway? Maybe I'd like to go, too! Have you thought about that? Have you thought about MY feelings for once?" It's really too much.

Truly, this addiction to love is a HUGE vampire bat, and it is pervasive in this on-the-go society, where everything is sold for one purpose. To make money. But besides that, to sell love. For money. These things—whether it's diamond rings, beer, or Shamwow—we believe, will bring us our love.

If love is an addiction, how do we break it? Cold turkey, like heroin. Lock yourself in a room with no windows or doors but 5 high-powered halogen lights. Stay like that for three weeks or until hunger sets in. You will be cured of your love addiction and, as a bonus, you will see dead people! The blindness is temporary.

But really, the best way to stop is to never start. And this is where you come in, mama and papa. You think you should provide love to your child whenever he wants it. Wrong, wrong, wrong. That way lies dependency and a life of prostitution in a vain attempt to make love, and money. Withhold that love and only bestow it on special occasions like hitting a home run in Little League or bringing home straight As. That's what my parents did, and look at me now!

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