I Can Haz Obligations

We all have obligations. This is a horrible fact of life. Many people use your sense of right and wrong to guilt you and manipulate you into things you don't want to do or pay for (eg, church functions, child support). In other words, obligations. These people keep you down, and when you want to get up, they never just slap you down, they're more insidious than that. They use guilt to keep you down.

Exactly like a big, fat, purring, cat that settles on your lap and gets offended when you get up off the couch.

Then when the darkness comes, with its vampire bats, this seemingly harmless kitty joins in the spiritual melée, helping drain you of your precious lifeblood. Bad kitty!

How do you banish this bad kitty from your lap? Shove it off before it settles in!

But how does it get on your lap in the first place? It gets in your lap when you stop for "just a small rest" from following the Tao, or way.

Whenever stray from your Way, you stop focusing on You, and that's when the Big Fat, Purring Cat of Obligation (ObliCat) sees a comfy resting place—your Soul Lap—and it slinks on top of it. When you try to move it and be on your Way, it looks up at you with big, cutesy-wutesy eyes and purrs. Who wants to move that fuzzy-wuzzy, voozhy-woozhy pussykins, right? Then before you know it, you're stuck. And then darkness falls. Then the vampire bats swoosh down on you, but you can't move! And you're saddled by family, work, and charity! Oh, what a world!

But there is hope. Keep moving forward on the road to self-fulfillment. Don't let that kitty slink on to your Soul Lap.

But what if you've stopped for a rest? If there is no ObliCat currently on your Soul Lap, at least sit in a way that is uninviting. For example, if your pastor asks you to teach Sunday School, you might ask him, "How much does it pay?" He won't ask you for anything again! (You can use that when friends ask you to help them move, too! I can tell you I do! LOL!) I do it and no one asks me to do a thing! Just a couple of court orders, but that's all! I am on the Way of Jim! Er, Tao! LOL!

But what if you already have an ObliCat or ObliCats on your Soul Lap? Turn your Soul Lap into a SLap(tm)! SLap 'em off(tm)! They'll hiss at you, swipe at you, and sue you, but once you're done you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

And then you can start back on that Yellow Brick Road to see the Wonderful Wizard of You.

Happy travels!




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Achievement

Many people, maybe even you, think that you are your achievements.

Drive a stake right through that vampire bat!

Repeat after me: You (but substitute "I") are (substitute "am") not your (substitute "my") achievements. It's a good thing, because your achievements are meaningless. You have a bowling average of 210. Tell it to the ball polisher. You have the highest batting average in your softball league. So what? Your kids play hardball. You got an A- on your 4th grade math test, finally proving you understood long division. My childhood crush Kristine didn't care. She only liked boys who were good at sports.

My point is, no one cares. No one cares about your ridiculous achievements.

You're sad because you never became a rock star? You're 45 and never picked up a guitar.

So you see, there's no point in achieving anything. Or striving to achieve anything. Unless there is money involved. In which case, the achievement has practical value. Or if you have achieved really great things, like Jonas Salk curing polio, or the JONAS Brothers, you are safe in identifying with your achievements.

So go for it! Achieve nothing!

Coming soon: Achieve more!

Stop Hitting Yourself!

I often feel as if the universe is hitting me repeatedly in the head, with every job loss, every breakup, and every fraud conviction. I am sure you feel the same way sometimes.

What I realized, however, is that the truth is much more surprising. The Universe is like a bully who repeatedly pummels me with my own hand and says, "Why are you hitting yourself? Stop hitting yourself."

However, when I turn to confront my tormentor, I see no one there. Just my own hand, beating myself bloody. And then I laugh.




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Get up!

Shove the Big Fat Purring Cat of Obligation from your lap and enjoy life!


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Addicted to Love

In my "practice," I see quite a few people who are literally "addicted" to love. They cannot go without it for even one day. If their partner goes out of town on business or a fact-finding trip to Aruba, they immediately get sad and despondent. They want to talk to that person on the phone, or by email, or by carrier pigeon the entire time I'm away. They even want to tag along! They'll cry, "What facts are you finding in Aruba, anyway? Maybe I'd like to go, too! Have you thought about that? Have you thought about MY feelings for once?" It's really too much.

Truly, this addiction to love is a HUGE vampire bat, and it is pervasive in this on-the-go society, where everything is sold for one purpose. To make money. But besides that, to sell love. For money. These things—whether it's diamond rings, beer, or Shamwow—we believe, will bring us our love.

If love is an addiction, how do we break it? Cold turkey, like heroin. Lock yourself in a room with no windows or doors but 5 high-powered halogen lights. Stay like that for three weeks or until hunger sets in. You will be cured of your love addiction and, as a bonus, you will see dead people! The blindness is temporary.

But really, the best way to stop is to never start. And this is where you come in, mama and papa. You think you should provide love to your child whenever he wants it. Wrong, wrong, wrong. That way lies dependency and a life of prostitution in a vain attempt to make love, and money. Withhold that love and only bestow it on special occasions like hitting a home run in Little League or bringing home straight As. That's what my parents did, and look at me now!

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Daydream in the Moment?

Yesterday is but a memory, and as we have seen in Blade Runner, memories can be manufactured.

The future is but a frightening dystopia.

Therefore, the only answer is to live in the present. It's the only thing you know is real. Unless that's manufactured, too. Or frighteningly dystopic. In which case, it might be better to live in the past. Unless that was frightening. Or you can do what I do. Daydream!

People think that daydreaming is not living in the moment. But you can't daydream in the past or the future, right?

I say daydream your life away!

Nothing Succeeds Like Success!

People frequently ask me sometimes, "Do you learn more from success or failure?" The answer might not be so obvious. Most people will say failure. They assume that after failure we go over it, think about what went wrong and why, deriving some sort of "lesson."

This goes against reality. When you fail, what do you think? "I'm a failure, I'm worthless, I want to crawl in a cave a die." Right? How do you learn anything that way?

No, my friends, it's easier to learn when you succeed. Because then you're all "I'm great! I rock! Look at me, Ma, top o' the world, Ma! I will always succeed and nothing bad will ever happen to me!" That puts you in a much better frame of mind for self-reflection and learning. This is also why cokeheads are usually successful people.

Succeed succeed, succeed, and soon you'll have success!